An Unsaid Story of An Ordinary Teenage Girl...

 Life of an ordinary teenage girl…,

This one is a true story of mine, what I faced and came through. I am afraid to share my thoughts with the world, but I came across so many people who are blaming life for being so tough! People nowadays blame life for silly things like not getting good marks, not being able to have a good meal, not having a girl or boy in their life, and this list doesn't end here...This post is just to let you know what a hard life looks like. 


It is all about my past, where I suffered a lot, faced so many issues. I was deeply stressed when I was just a small girl. I was an introvert too. I always make a wish that no girl should face problems as I did.


I was born in the year 2003 in Sri Lanka. At birth, I was looking like a five months old baby. I was comparatively larger than other babies. At the same time, my aunt also gave birth to a baby girl, and she passed away. My aunt was from another religion. So our, as well as her families, neglected to accept them. They already had a son who was 11 years old. His name is Raagav. My uncle, Raagav, and the infant were isolated by both the families. Uncle couldn't take care of his kids. He admitted Raagav in the school hostel, and while returning home, he and the infant met with an accident, and they passed away. Hearing this, family members gave Raagav for adoption. My mom and dad adopted Raagav. And that is how the most important role in my life entered. But the thing is, none of our family members in India knew that we adopted him. But we were happy in Sri Lanka. My life was so interesting. I enjoyed and always had a feeling that I am lucky to be a part of this family. 


We have created so many memories, he was excellent in studies, and I was excellent at sports. We made our parents proud. Raagav loved me more than himself. He took intense care of me as if I was his daughter. Many relatives and friends were jealous of our bonding. They all were shocked, including our parents, because even real siblings won't be like us. We always had a good understanding. He has never neglected what I asked from him. Not even once. He took me to countries, taught me how to ride bikes, to be honest, he fulfilled all my dreams. My life went as such for 12 years. One fine day, as usual, I went to school. My childhood best friend, Karthi, whom I knew since I was three years old. He was a year elder to me. He came to me and said that I have a surprise in the evening. I was eager to know what it was. I kept on pestering him to say what it was. But that fellow kept ignoring me, and I couldn't even concentrate on my classes. I was out of my mind tho. And finally, that time came. January 9th, 2015, Friday evening at around 3.45 pm, I got to know what it was. He expressed his feelings towards me. Yes! he proposed to me. He said to me that he would like me to be his better half in the future. I was so happy. I couldn't neglect him. And that was the moment I realized that I too loved him.


We were kids, but our love was truthful. Miracles happened in my life. We were leading a happy life. Sometimes I was wondering, why was my life so easy and filled with happiness?. But then, one incident changed my whole life. It collapsed as if a newly built building had collapsed. After a year, One fine evening, I got the news that I got selected for the final rounds in a swimming competition. I was so happy because I was eligible to compete with my seniors. The next day evening, we had to go to another district for the competition. I asked Raagav to accompany me. For the first time in his life, he neglected my request. He had a valid reason, as he had exams the other day. So he neglected. I was a bit disappointed. But no other go, I was okay and ready to go. The next day I went with my coach. We started at 1 pm and reached our destination at around 8 pm. We had to stay in a school which was reserved for competitors. Unluckily, I was the only girl there. So they provided me with a separate room. I am a girl whose physical appearance looks matured, but I am a small kid. Five of my seniors (aged from 18-22) had a desire for me. And they were waiting for a chance. And somehow they got it, and they did what a girl can never imagine. I tried seeking help, but I couldn't. What I thought was that I am going to die, all my dreams got buried, and I had many questions running in my mind. I felt as if I was no more, I was waiting for someone to come to help me, but no one did. After a while, the security came for rounds at midnight. He saw me bleeding on the floor,  and I got taken to the hospital, and the cops arrested all the five boys. I was unconscious for a day. When I returned my consciousness, I saw my brother and Karthi crying so hard in front of me. I didn't know what to do and didn't wanna speak with anyone, and I was totally blank. I got taken to home after a month, and my house was like hell. I have never been like this before, they tried to cheer me up, but I didn't. I even tried to cheer myself, but I couldn't. I was only 13 tho.


One year passed. I got taken to many psychiatrists.  But no use. Till 2018 January, I didn't even utter a word. My brother Raagav decided to send me to India to continue my further studies, and he also thought that due to the change in atmosphere, I might get back to normal. When I heard he had a plan like that, I spoke to him after a year, but I forgot how to talk. I said I don't want to leave my family, but he insisted on me again. I couldn't ignore it. And then I started to speak a little. Finally, I came to India. I had to stay in my relative's home. 22nd June 2018, exactly after a month I came to India, I got news from Sri Lanka. They said my brother is no more with us. I was damn confused. I called mom, and she was screaming. I was terribly shocked, then Raagav's friend took the phone and explained to me what happened.


He told me that they were going home lately on a bike and Raagav was riding it. On the way, Raagav started to cry, it seems. Raagav told his friend that I lost my happiness just because of him. If he had accepted my request that day, nothing like this would have happened. And he was feeling damn guilty and depressed. He told his friend to jump from the bike. Raagav was trying to bang into a lorry that was coming in the opposite direction. His friend pulled Raagav too. But unfortunately, Raagav's head got stuck in the tire of that lorry, and couldn't save him. He is gone, leaving me all alone. He also said not to tell my aunt about him. Just imagine how it is possible??. I had no choice, and couldn't even cry, and couldn't accept his death. I couldn't express my feelings as I was in my aunt's home. I was deeply hurt inside. I was deeply stressed. My parents didn't arrange tickets for me to visit Lanka because they know very well that I can't see him like that. I had a tough time without him. Meanwhile, my boyfriend came to India to cheer me up. But, it was of no use. That day onwards, I lost my feelings.  Like I don't know how to cry.  I used to hurt myself instead. I am addicted to eating stapler pins, and I used to prick my fingers tips with sharp objects until it bleeds. 


A few weeks later, I got addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. My life is totally changed. And you know what age does this all happen?...  I was just 15 years old. Then on the 2019 summer vacation, I went to Sri Lanka on the 21st of April, I guess. My friends arranged a party in the Shangri-La hotel. Due to traffic, I got delayed, and that party was arranged for me. As I was about to reach the location, we heard a very big sound, as if something exploded. It was that hotel. Sri Lankan bomb blast incident. I lost my three friends in that bomb blast. I really didn't feel that I was lucky to escape from that. I didn't cry, instead started concealing my pain which made it even worse. I didn't eat and sleep for 2 weeks and I was admitted to the hospital. After that, I had to come to India again to continue my studies. This time, it was even worse. I didn't even know how to smile. The pain inside me converted into anger. I started expressing my anger towards my friends. But the only good thing in my life was, my friends never gave up on me. They cheered me up each time. I was happy about that. One day I tried to suicide by jumping from the top floor of our school. But my class teacher dragged me and saved me. He advised me a lot, but nothing went into my head. I was exhausted from everything. And a few days later, while going to tuition, I tried to jump into a car, but alas, my classmate pulled me. I didn't know why they kept saving my life. Finally, I tried to cut my hand, but I was also an utter flop. 


So I left the idea of suicide, a year passed, and in 2020 February, I joined the school hostel. Everything was going great, and one fine day, I was going to my room after school. I got a call from the office that someone is waiting for me. Our hostel warden sent me down to have a convo and come. The one who came to visit me was Karthi (my boyfriend), I was so happy, but I noticed something weird about him. I saw tattoos on him, and he hates tattoos tho. When I dragged his hand, I found that he had tattooed my name on him. I was damn shocked. And what he said next, made me feel like I am already dead. He said that he had been cheating on me since I came to India, he had found another girl it seems. I nearly missed a beat. I got damn angry, slapped him, and ran to my room. My roommates keep on asking what has happened. I was crying so hard. I told them to leave me alone, but they didn't.  I got angry and broke the cupboard door too. My friends understood my situation, and they concealed it. The next day, I got a call from the office, from Sri Lanka, and I thought it was the mom. But it was Karthi's brother. What he told me was, Karthi is truthful to you. He lied to you because he doesn't want you to get deeply hurt. I was wondering what the hell he was talking about. Finally, the brother said that Karthi is suffering from a brain tumor. Hearing this, I was so weak, fainted as such in the office. That was the last day I saw him. All that I did was, slapped him. I am suffering from guilt. I got the news that on March 6th, 2020, Karthi was no longer with me. I didn't cry, because I forgot how to cry. From that day till today (October 2020) am still the same.  Having the pain inside, but don't know how to express it. No one can replace him...I am damn sure about it. All that I can say is, I miss them terribly, and I don't know what is gonna happen in my future. I hope that my future will be good. That is one of my wishes.


And you know what? My friends are the people who stood by my side and helped me overcome my problems every time. I am very thankful to them. That was when I realized how important a role a friend plays in each and everyone's life. I don't say all boys are bad, because my friends were boys who helped me to overcome my depression. 

And if a 17-year girl could survive after facing so many issues and also who is ready to face whatever the problems which may come in the future, why do you put yourself down with those small issues. Even though I was rich enough in everything, I had to face the worst part of my life. Being poor, having nothing but great happiness, is the best thing ever. What I like to say is, never put yourself down at any cost and for anyone.

Happy reading...!!

Author - Prefer Not to Say.